you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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