i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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