life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Drunk is not a location!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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