somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
