take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
