Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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