I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
