You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
