My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
