I have demons in me.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
