I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
