Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
