well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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