are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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