I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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