Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
