I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
