Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I accidentally burped into my bong.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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