I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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