I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
