I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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