i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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