I should be sponsored by Trojan
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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