She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
