your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
