did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You ruined the universe
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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