Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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