I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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