I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
