he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize