I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
