i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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