ADVERTISEMENT

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it

  Fav 1 1166 1007

  share tweet
  

• (586): View more from Michigan

  love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"

  (586): View more from Michigan

  and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.

  Fav 7 1483 729

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize

  Fav 17 4470 1816

  share tweet
  

• (213): View more from California

  just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week

  Fav 15 1220 4336

  share tweet
  

• (510): View more from California

  Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.

  Fav 9 2539 1029

  share tweet
  

• (240): View more from Maryland

  Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire

  Fav 1 1225 799

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (205): View more from Alabama

  Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.

  Fav 9 1175 812

  share tweet
  

• (719): View more from Colorado

  I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.

  Fav 8 2099 905

  share tweet
  

• (309): View more from Illinois

  I need vitamin water and Jesus :/

  Fav 2 746 537

  share tweet
  

• (573): View more from Missouri

  The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.

  Fav 6 1147 389

  share tweet
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW

  Fav 0 403 130

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (303): View more from Colorado

  can you please not set my house on fire for once???

  Fav 0 252 214

  share tweet
  

• (906): View more from Michigan

  You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son

  Fav 0 160 124

  share tweet
  

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.

  Fav 0 84 26

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (515): View more from Iowa

  Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.

  Fav 0 20 29

  share tweet
  

Randomize