I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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