she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
