My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
