obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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