he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
