He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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