Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
