Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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