If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
