I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
