He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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