i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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