You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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