I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
