He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
