she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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