No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
