I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
