Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
