Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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