Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
