I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
