"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
