So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
