you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
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while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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