After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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