i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
